More Laughters

Here Are Some LAUGHTERS You’ll Like To Have!!!

Enjoy the funny jokes... And Yeah!!! Dont forget the pics.. Notice the funny angle in the pics..that'll surely make you laugh...!!!

  

A man had a party where all the rich people attend.
And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes.
But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive.
So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?"
The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bullets and show me the idiot that pushed me in ...."

 


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

   A Unique Authority!!!!






 

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?''

The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!'' 



Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

 I wonder what you are saying....!!!!

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high- security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"



The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
 

Can you lift it tooo?????







A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but
then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith”

    A Smokyyy 

                 Path.......!!!!!!

A West Virginian walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour.

The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The West Virginian is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY!

The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the West Virginian says, "What's that noise?"



 A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party.

As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's mid- section.

The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage.

As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead."

The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped.

Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where the car ran over it."

    Kick it Man.......!!!!!!

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" 



Four college friends were so confident that the
weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas
and party with some friends up there. They had a
great time. However, after all the partying, they slept
all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until
early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find
their professor after the final and explain to him why
they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the
weekend with the plan to come back and study but,
unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back,
didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long
time. As a result, they missed the final.

The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could
make up the final the following day. The guys were
elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the
time the professor had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet,
and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was
something simple about free radical formation. "Cool,"
they thought at the same time, each one in his
separate room. "This is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On
the second page was written:


(For 95 points): Which tire flatted?
 

  Shut uppp or I'll

     Crush you......!!!!!

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at centre ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbour. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbour says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."



Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

 This World is sooo 

Full of

  Beggars..........

 A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."



A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

   That Doc's a 

       BULL!!!!!

I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!" (Rodney Dangerfield)


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

  My favourite Sport is 

  "SUN-BALL"!!!






 The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."

    I was THEERRRE.....








  

THE STUPID TEACHER:
It was the first day of school, and the kindergarten teacher was standing in front of her class. She said to them, “Ok children, before we get started, I want to make sure none of you think you are dumb. Because none of you are. If you think you are stupid, please stand up.” She waited for a couple of minutes, but no one stood up. One boy stood up and the teacher asked, “Now Bobby, do you really think you are stupid?” Bobby answered, “Well, no ma’am. But I didn’t want
you to be the only one standing.”



Why in the world the week passes like a snail

  And then certainly before the exams....

....The damn snail starts driving a FERRARI....!!!!"

 

      He wants to Marry

            Uuhhhhhhh.......

               WHO?????

 The FBI was hiring for a high position and after basic training they had three people left, two men and a woman. They asked the first man to come to HQ and told him, “Your wife is in the next room, we need you to take this gun and shoot her". He wouldn't do it so they sent him home. They asked the next man the same thing but he said he couldn't do it so they sent him home. Then the woman came and they gave her a gun and told her that her husband was in the next room and needed to be shot. She went in and there were clicking noises then crashing noises in the room. She came out and said, “The gun was loaded with blanks so I had to kill him with the chair".



My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)
 


Call Summary
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   Boy to Boy
    00:00:59
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  Boy to Mom
    00:00:50
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  Boy to Dad
   00:00:30
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  Boy to Girl
    01:23:59
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  Girl to Girl
   00:29:57
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  Girl to Boy
   Miss call
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  Wife to Husband
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    "NOT RESPONDING"

He is no use...

   THROW HIM!!!!

Two ladies fighting for a seat in a bus..

Bus Conductor: "The older one should sit here"

Both looked at each other... 

...And the seat remained 'EMPTY'...!!! 



A Wife hit her husband with a frying pan  
    "TUNNNN" ….... 

Husband: "What was that for?"

Wife: "I found a paper with the name JENNY on it..."

Husband: “I took part in a race last week and JENNY was the name of my HORSE"

Wife: 'Sorry' 

Next day the Wife hit her Husband again with the Frying Pan AGAIN!!!
 "TUNNNN"

Husband: "Why did U do that????"

Wife: "Your HORSE is on the phone......." 

 I always knew It was YOUUU!!!!

Friends chatting on FB

First Friend: Plzzz stay up a little longer?? I really want to talk to you...

2nd Friend: No Sorry I gotta go...

1st Friend: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........

2nd Friend: No!!! My mom said if I don't go to sleep now, she'll come down here and BASH my head on the keyboarfjkgv;jdgvkj ;dfsho;iadhsfjkmv b;ioa7ydfoiklenw qhio7y9i khnfdcjkzsdhjjlfdhm,cx89weiyhb n h klj f io  klmnfnlfd;skui oaefj mn fkl ufopiuj kfl kufiopuj ekljfdlkuadsf9iuj fjvnhavIF -4ewinbxhciujpdojhniopdsnnsry


Crrazzy Fact:
"The Friend who Laughs Last has the slowest mind...
And the One who laughs First has the Dirtiest mind...!!!

 Catch It......!!!!!

In Africa 

A black Boy to his Black Girlfriend in a dark night near sea,
asked in very romantic mood:

 Darling....
.
.
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.
"WHERE ARE YOU????" 



A qualified MBA marketing student married a girl

After 1 year fight with her, finally he got angry
 and sent a note to his Father-in-law:
"Sir your product is not according to my requirements....."

The smart Father-in-law replied:
"1 year warranty has expired so, Company is Not Responsible...!!!"



If someone steps on your foot and asks: 
  "Did I hurt you???"

Step on their foot (HARDER) and ask: 
  "Can you feel my answer..???!!!"


              Did You know why Christ died????

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.""But, madam!", replied the bellman."Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager.""Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"